Table for Two

One glass of a single malt after a strenous day of travel and market work almost always did the trick for me during my upcountry business tours. Well this visit to Mangalore didn't seem too different from the usual. The usual hotel, usual rooftop diner, my usual order and I was just easing into the evening. Apart from the cacophony of the bunch of hefty youngsters in a nearby table, the rooftop diner was largely empty, but still the IPL commentary on the big screen was difficult to piece together entirely, not that I cared much for it. Since college days, have largely been a social drinker and it was these lonely trips and life in sales that got me into private drinking but never more than 1-2 pegs and the occasional fag. Just when I got my cigarette delivered by the bearer and was about to step outside to the open air balcony, somebody approached my table and said something. Not expecting a bearer but assuming it was one, I looked up to notice it was not the bearer but a young woman in a black attire with a black scarf on her head, which almost covered her face...most of what was visible was her cat eyes. She had apparently asked me something and was expecting a reply, but me startled by the unexpected presence and lost in trying to piece together who this was, had not heard what she said. "Sorry, didn't get you" I said."Is it okay if I share this table with you...I was expecting someone and the person seems to be delayed and..." she glanced to the table alongside with the bunch of burly guys who were obviously leering at this petite and mysterious woman. Sensing her discomfort, I offered her a seat. Few minutes of awkward silence and her continous fidgeting with her phone later, I offered her the menu, which she politely said no to. This was getting weirder. I was planning to step out for a smoke, and I realized she might be comfortable speaking outside away from the group of youngsters, "Do you smoke?" No said she, "Care to join me on the balcony while I smoke so we can possibly speak?", she nodded and accompanied me. Away from the hustle of the IPL screening and loud laughs and noise of the guys, this was peaceful, a good breeze on a moonlit night. "Are you in some sort of trouble? I don't wish to interfere in your personal matter, but will be nice to know why you came up to me?" "Actually, I was expecting my boyfriend here and he sent me a message he's running late. Its all messy ...I think I'm making a mistake"she said as she welled up and her voice started quivering and in the light of the night, you could see she had shed a tear too. Now weirdness takes another level, an unknown girl in a city I'm not from, in a hotel, reaching out for some help and now crying. On one side, its always a struggle to not want to help someone who's reached out and that too a lady who seems to be in trouble, clearly in the wrong place - awaiting a boyfriend in a hotel at this hour in the night, on the other hand, stories of guys getting duped into helping pretentious victims were not uncommon in this day and age. My heart urged me to help her and my mind kept bellowing to stay away, but one single malt down, its usually the heart that prevails. "Don't cry, I'm sure there is still time to rectify your mistake, please calm down and might help if you talk about it, while I don't want to get involved, I could give you some advice. To keep things between us clear, you don't have to mention any particulars, like your name, where you stay, where you work etc, and neither would I...does that work?" She nodded again and slowly started opening up. "I am from the North, did my UG in this part of the country and got a job here. At work I met a boy, he was also from my side of the country, we got involved romantically and have been dating each other. Both of us come from humble backgrounds, and wish to make it big in life. We wanted to start a business of our own, so we joined this course which is like an incubator for start-ups. Unfortunately he didn't have money to spare for that course, so I paid his share of the fees too. After all, we were going to start the business together and possibly in a few years settle down together too. We also firmed up our business idea - was a Bed & Breakfast venture based out of Himachal. He said he had an agent who will help us with getting in touch with properties there and also set up a home cum office there. Unfortunately for me, I can't tell my folks that I am quitting my job for this and that too with a guy - we are a very conservative family. So even in the hostel I stay I have kept it a secret. He also has a similar problem at his place. So the entire plan is a secret between us now. I am actually supposed to fly out to Himachal tomorrow morning and he was to see me off, as he apparently can't quit this job till the business steadies. You see he is financially under a bigger stress than I am. Since we might not meet for a bit, he suggested we spend this last night in the city together, so I vacated my hostel tonight telling them I have some business assignment requiring me to work out of another city for few months. We were to stay here before he dropped me off at the airport tomorrow. He also asked me to give him some money which the agent had asked for to help us with our setup there. Now he messaged he can't make it tonight and there will be somebody else who will come to collect the money and I can stay in the room he has booked for us and leave to the airport in the morning.He sent this text after I had left the hostel, I wouldn't have if I got this message earlier. When I came here, I thought it best to not check-in to the room first, but figure out what to do and so came to the diner here. That's when I saw the gang of guys here, I suspect I have seen one of them with him somewhere before. All this looks fishy to me suddenly...I was so stupid...what if ...what will I tell my parents... not sure what got into me... I was always ambitious but I think love blinded me..." she started weeping uncontrollably. Well the story sounded legit enough for me, there was obviously no ask of money from me, but I still needed something to calm my mind that this need not be a trap for me.. "How do I believe you and know what you are saying is the truth?". She looked up and saw the curious look in my face and then reached for her wallet and pulled out a piece of paper - she folded a portion of it and showed me the rest - it was a flight ticket to Himachal for tomorrow. Then she took it back and then gave me glimpse of the inners of her purse, there was a bundle of money in it. Well, it could have been staged, but what if it wasn't. The situation is tricky, how do I help, without letting her get exposed. Need to think smart here...hoping my fondness for thriller movies and the different ways such a plot could end up..got me thinking profusely. Okay first things first, "You can't let those guys know who you are, talk to me and laugh with me like you were friend of mine. I will figure out a plan. Its best to keep your phone switched off for a bit. So we went back in and while I sat down, she excused herself to the loo. I quickly took my phone out and dialled my regular driver. I told him, I needed an urgent airport drop for a friend, and he was to come to the hotel I was staying. The lady had in the meantime come back and taken her seat at the table with her back to the group of guys, who had been leering at her all evening. I offered her the menu and she took it this time and we placed a dinner order. We consciously talked about other stuff and made it sound like we knew each other from before and so on. The IPL noise obviously helped muffle the conversation. I told her I have made arrangements for her to move out of here unsuspectingly. Told her that to the driver we maintain that you a sales manager and we know each other from elsewhere and we met at the hotel where you were to check in but you got news of your relative having passed away so made plans to fly out in the night itself and had expressed a concern of not getting a cab for airport drop in the night. After dinner was done, I put the bill on my room tab and accompanied her to the check-in counter, where her luggage was placed. My cabbie had arrived and I told him to drop her at the airport and then keep me updated. She had loaded her bag in the car, but before entering, stopped and hinted at me to have a private conversation aside from the driver. She was nervous...She feared the gang of guys who were now watching over the proceedings on the hotel gateway from the balcony at the diner, would follow the car and try to get hold of her. Fair fear and quite a possibility I felt, but the airport I felt was the safest place for her to go to now at this hour not the hotel. The transit to the airport is however a challenge...lot of pockets of lonely roads and as much as I trusted my cabbie, his fighting skills owing to his lean build were not something I trusted. Not that I had a body to be proud of either, but in the eyes of the gang, I was someone she knew and they werent entirely sure this was her. So I had no option, and I volunteered to accompany her to the airport. For some weird reason, this proposal was met with some joy by the driver too - perhaps he was not confident of taking a lonely lady to the airport at this hour. I went to the check-in counter and borrowed a pen and paper and said I'd be back in a bit. Both her from the rear seat and me from the co-driver seat had an eye on the rear of the car to see if we were being followed. True to her fears in a bit we saw some lights behind us, it was from few bikes and clearly looked like the gang had left the diner after us. The nervousness in the car was palpable, each for a different reason though - the driver was by far the most relaxed and it was he who helped ease the tension for us too as he switched on the radio and it had to be timing, but the radio station also decided this was the time for nail biting movie OSTs to be played. I quickly changed the station to something which was more bearable. In the dark of the car, I took the notepad and started scribbling a message, the cabbie turned on the cabin light, which I quickly switched off, saying I didnt need it. The last thing we wanted was the gang affirming this was her. "At the airport, once you're in, go change your clothing. Then buy yourself the earliest ticket to a different destination, where you have somewhere reliable you can go to, because whoever is chasing you knows where you are headed, so best to divert. And your phone if it can be kept off for as long as possible, would be best" read my note which she held onto like dear life. The road to the airport also heads to the city up until a final fork where there is an uphill climb which only leads to the airport. We had the bike lights follow us closely up until that fork, after which as the car swerved to the left to climb towards the hill that housed the airport, we lost them. It was only then that she breathed straight and me too. We finally exchanged a bottle of water relieved that the adventure of the night was ending. We crossed the police barricade and the cabbie managed to find a slot for the cark to park on the kerb. As he stepped out to pull the bags from the boot, and we also stepped out, she reached for her purse to pay the cabbie. I offered to take this up, she had already been thru' enough. We got a trolley for the bags and I offered to walk her to the gates of the terminal and told our cabbie friend to drive around and come back to pick me from the same place to avoid the cops chasing him away. As we walked to the gates, she couldn't stop thanking me and was clearly welling up again. We reached the security guard who asked her for her ID and after she'd shown it - she turned back and gave me a big tight hug and whispered "Thanks for saving my life tonight". As she walked in, I turned around and for the first time felt like I achieved something. Accomplishment and accolodaes at work never gave this feeling. Were the gang of bikers involved, was her supposed boyfriend a con, was her life truly at stake that night, did she escape safely..lot of unanswered questions...but guess that's what all of life's 'what ifs' feel like...

The tale of a Cawnporia Traffic Signal

Hello…I am a traffic signal perched high and colorful on a crowded junction in the heart of the industrial town of Kanpur. I call myself the Cawnporia Traffic Signal because I like the anglicized version of my city’s name Cawnpore…which has many traces of the British era like the Elgin Mill and the Hallet hospital…It makes me feel British which also happens to be where my ancestors came down from!

Today I would like to introduce you to the bustling world of Cawnpore. I take pride and shine in my brightest reds when people refer to me as the only signal in Cawnpore town. Yes, it’s lonely up there in this town where I haven’t seen another of my kind in a long time. It seems like the authorities were playing some ridiculous joke by just getting only my poor self. Cruel they are for separating me from my kind, because we signals usually travel in larger numbers. However thanks to the age of communication, and all the angry birds flying around I do get to hear from my brothers across the different parts of the country.

Well, but the sight I get to see daily is surely a rarity. Not many of my brothers in other parts of the country see the kind of action that I am fortunate enough to witness day in and day out.

For starters, the sight of my town is not a pretty one; from where I stand the earth below looks like it just let a quake rip through its surface exposing the nascent earth below to the surface. It is earth mostly with traces of gravel and all dug up as if they were getting farmers to sow seeds here. Well what it should have been is bitumen and tar to make what they call ROADS!

When the rain gods smile it seems like I am the only one smiling along ‘cz I get cleaned up and cool down after being exposed to the scorching heat for months. God save the poor people below. My brothers in Mumbai tell me that they have poor drainage there and so rains are invariably trouble for their people, but I am sure I would win that wager hands down ‘cause I don’t think it can get worse than dear ‘ol Cawnpore. When it drizzles in this tinsel town, it is water, water everywhere - rain water, sewage water all of it! But I sure would love a fresh coat of paint, have been wanting one for such long time now…tired and disgusted I am of all the gory red saliva I get showered with by those darned uniformed men who man my post.

My brothers from other cities tell me how they have all these vehicles travelling away from them on the left side and towards them on their right side ever so meticulously. Somehow I have not yet been able to grasp how that works because I can’t seem to see anything of that sort in my locality. Back in my Cawnpore, all those wheeled buggies seem to charge in from all directions and at times I have cattle also trying to weave through the chaos. But one thing I must acknowledge about my beloved Cawnporians…nobody seems to mind the fact that they are being charged into from all directions…they rub bumpers, exchange scratches but they just carry on without bothering too much…very accommodating they are. I hear from my brothers in Haryana that there such exchanges end up in blows, however there they do end, whereas down south I am told they argue and create a lot of furore in a very sophisticated fashion until one party pays the other! I love Cawnporians!

If I could change one thing about my Cawnporians it would be their fascination for sounding horns. At times it gets very painfully loud. Somehow I get the feeling that in the driving schools from where they have learnt their navigatory skills, they were instructed to use their horns instead of brakes…its worst when people use it instead of their accelerators though.

Well I better get back to flashing my reds and greens…but hold on...if you think my taking time out to welcome you to my little town would have affected the scheme of things here…please…nobody really looks up to me here! Alas!

Expectations

everywhere i turn
seems like all i see

everyone i meet
seems like all i hear

every time i breathe
seems like all i inhale

are EXPECTATIONS

folly it was mine to imagine
all of 'em were for me by design

hobby it has become mine to deject
all of 'em who from me did expect

why
why now
why them
why this
why ME

if i need to be
humbled
belittled
ruffled

spare the ones around me

is it ‘cz that’s what hits me hard

i am
humbled
belittled
ruffled

now spare the ones around me

i have been hit very hard

the burden of unfulfilled expectations
it weighs me down
it strains my brow
it pains my vow

expect not and fulfil nothing
will it only be a hazy dream

in expectation of no more expectations
i rest to dream that hazy dream.

Resolute Resolves

Handful broken resolutions in couple of months and i once again reiterate the importance of making resolutions. Every year, in fact every month i indulge in the art of making resolutions. The list of do's and don'ts for the month substantiated by that horrendous wishlist of mine. Thanks to my incorrigible self though, the list survives and makes it to another month's shelf.
I look towards every month as a chance to start afresh. The 1st of any month is a blessing to useless mortals like me to make my life seem not-so-worthless. A peek into my wishlist and you could find cliched wishes like waking up at early bird timings, working towards physical conditioning and the like, but the starred points i am proud of are points which make me look less normal, leaning towards being 'enviable'. Not wanting to hear (from those who might risk reading this)that my wishes come a cropper when pitching to be branded 'enviable', i shall not divulge the details of my list. Allow this poor soul to live in its own sweet realm, convinced that its wishlist is unique and one that everyone should yearn for.
However, i shall continue on my discourse of the perks of making a resolution very well aware of the fact that its resolve would wither away before it ripens to bear fruit. This reminds me of the movie, 'Bucketlist', a must-watch for people who have never jotted down resolutions or conjured up wishlists! Resolutions give a deeper insight to your meandering life, it helps you navigate your ship called life!
Pick a resolution and make your start-of-months more exciting and worth looking forward to. We all do eagerly wait for the month to end to lap up those monochrome payslips, what about the start-of-months??
Resolutions help build up belief in all things called HOPE! When i realise that my new resolution did not last even 21 days [which i am told is the minimum time required to enforce a habit into your routine], i HOPE when i resolve to re-try next month things would change.
Resolutions are food for bragging! Bragging is about being all talk and no deed and when i make a resolution, like say, i decide to grow brains in a week, i make sure i tell the whole world that i'm growing brains this week and garner all the stares possible. Limelight is something that bragging always carries along and resolutions feed it.
Access, respect and repute in any Anonymous Recovery Group (Overeaters Anonymous i'm told is the in-thing) where making resolutions figure high in their 12-Step Self Help courses is another gain of resolving to resolutions!
As i ponder for more perks which definitely do exist, i resolve to pen down more in the coming month. Keep watching this space for more benefits of resolutions and in case you don't find anything soon, you'd know why!

Happy Resolutions!!

Firemen Tales

It was a long week at the NY Fire Department. Fireman Jack and his chums had been working straight for the last nine days. The summer of NY topped with some highly erractic coincidences of fire accidents had taken its toll on the seven firemen. Jack and his chums had made it a point that they went out almost every evening that long week to make sure that they were in high spirits and don't lose the tempo as the 9-day week waned away. Today was different, today they were unwinding - celebrating the end of another week of fire-fighting!
Cribbing was not something these young lads, who had joined the force mainly due to compulsion, had encouraged, but a stinging remark, a joke on the Chief or the Captain was always a must-have during their weekend celebrations! This was, as they justified, the little joys in their otherwise morose existence, the ray of light they yearned for amidst the darkness cast by the smoke at work.
Today was the day for such trivial joys, so lo they finally cleaned up their act and put on those neatly pressed clothes which they seldom got to strut around thanks to the ever-so-generous force's uniforms which had become second skin to these fellas. Aboard couple of wagons and off they set to 'The Grill' - 'Barbecue and Beer till you give up!' read the billboard outside this joint. Why not said one of the chums!!It did look like a league outside the penny's worth that these freshmen firemen earned, but they were looking forward to indulge tonight and no worry or thought could break their resolve.
Glancing to the sides, feeling out of place they swiftly swooped down on the empty table. They were in for a shock. Not something they had expected on a day like today, but fighting fire all day long they were prepared to take on such suprises head on!
Perched on the table next to them was the proposed butt of the evening's jokes. The Chief and the Captain were out at what happened to be their usual watering hole. "Alas! There sits our joke being served on a platter alongside,while we starve for the little scoops of mirth we so yearn for" sighed bespectacled Beejay. Well guess that's not what the doc ordered for these boys who had painted their faces black in the fires across NY city all week long.
Not the kinds who try and hide from their superiors on a social outing and since the old fellas sitting across the table weren't really what one would call blood-sworn enemies, they walked up to the Chief and the Captain. A passing thought speeding through the minds of both groups. When people who have spent close to 20 yrs on the force rising from the ranks to such prestigious posts share their watering hole with a bunch of freshmen firemen just out of college, something must be terribly wrong! Jack and the boys realized that they were tearing holes in their pockets and definitely the Chief must have felt that these boys earn way more than what they need.
Nevatheless who would have thought the oldies would have welcomed the freshmen to join them for beer! Breaking all myths, the group of seven freshmen firemen and their grandfatherly Chiefs shattered the decibel levels of the place and managed to win the wager with 'The Grill' as they cleaned up all the barbecues and beer they had to offer!
Some night it was for the boys and to this day they recount the night they boozed with the Chief and the Captain bridging all divides of hierarchy!

Dissecting Impressions

No not with the limited reach of the cognitive capabilities of the human mind, I would recommend a good serving of the famed Holmes-Watson duos’ deductive might, oodles of Supermanly determination and a pinch of joblessness to taste as the main ingredients needed to make a meal out of understanding the enigma called a ‘female mind’. Some people live their lives in the quest for answers to their numerous questions, while few others engage their lives trying to find the questions to the answers nature has already presented them with. The slugabed that I am would obviously park me in the latter zone and which is why I have taken this bold step into uncharted territory.
Biology is a subject I personally enjoyed a lot in high school thanks to the lavish scope for conning tongue twisters it presented me. But then that was school and 11th grade was a totally different ball game altogether. The advent of the science of Dissection made sure that only the passionate and patient ones remained. The rapid thinning of the boys interested in the subject was hence no surprise.
Mastery of this science calls for absolute precision, meticulous observational powers, attention to minute details, patience to fend off the fiends of distraction for long hours and of course a good pair of motor limbs. Save an occasional shriek you come across when a dead frog jumps into life, our friends from the other gender have what it takes to go the dissective distance.
Not surprisingly our womenfolk have gone on to manifest their dissective skill set in areas outside the jurisdiction of Biology stretching far into the mundane trivialities of life!
To help you see the picture I’m trying to paint, allow me to darken the hues a little more.
Remorse and ignorance are invariably two major feelings a guy would encounter when he commits the sin of raising subjects like ‘first impression’ as a part of casual talk. This talk ain’t any clumsy just-for-the-sake-of-it conversation subject, not when ‘tis posed to a woman. As the list of the details of that darned first meeting are unraveled the poor guy realizes how futile his 20-odd year’s sentence with him was when compared to the 30-odd minutes this lady needed to fold him inside out. It then appears as though all the cosmic forces of nature have taken time off to join the lady in dissecting the guy and his ‘first impression’; they cleave, rip and make such surgical incisions of his character that are simply unimaginable.
Now all of a sudden those long uneasy silences, those distant glances at the restaurant ceiling and those furtive glances to check if she’s looking don’t seem all that unimportant! Torn to mono-syllable acknowledgement of his ‘first impression’, his sin dawns on him and remorse engulfs him!
An impression might mean the taste that lingers in your palate for us lesser mortals, but for the species called females, it’s more than that, it goes to even the flavors used. Its dissection on special order! Guess some of my answers and many of your questions have been put to rest thru’ this discourse!

The Four lettered sailor

[The contents of this blog could be classified as Parental Advisory, so request exercise of discretion in taking the plunge]

The guy on the street foul mouths the driver of the speeding roadster; the desperate loser attributes his distorted luck; the seductive girlfriend eggs on her reluctant boyfriend to go the distance; the reviewed silences his reviewers; the excited winner of the darned reality show expresses her astonishment on actually being crowned the bitchiest of em’ all; the average English-speaking ruffian across the road prefers to use it as a substitute to the well acclaimed punctuation of the Queen’s language. Different tones, different circumstances, different connotations, that is what the four-letter F-word, ‘FUCK’ has come to be.
It’s funny how acronyms are shaped, how they are twisted and turned to look normal! Else how could a protocol from the era of monarchy have given birth to this genius of a slang word? Something that deserves even more pondering would be that not many of the consumers of this brand of language know the roots of this commonplace figure of speech if I may say so. In the Isles of the Great Kingdom, where men had to seek consent of the Kings for their marriage, in an era where concubines and mistresses were not classified as abnormal no matter how shameful they might have been, ‘Fornication upon Consent of King’ was a custom that was not what you could categorise as illegitimate. One single meaning it had and a not so abnormal one during the times it was coined, no matter how morally low an act it was.
What has become of this protocol is definitely worth a laugh! As people say one bad remark stays put in spite of the numerous good you might have done to cover it up, it always shows its shameful head in a crowd, it’s the same with language. No matter how many beautiful words it might have gifted to mankind, it’s the bad ones that stick. I doubt if the acronym FUCK stood for ‘FOOD upon Consent of King’ or ‘FAITH upon Consent of King’ it would have given us this modern day adjective dear to many. FUCK has stood the test of time, though beaten, weathered and torn by the turbulent and changing winds of usage and lifestyles. Definitely some seeds of our ever-so-colorful vocabulary of the times would stand this same test and bloom in colors not conceivable at this stage.